Almost 2 years went by and I can tell I am all positive. I forgot about this blog... I went through a lot of changes in personal and in my lifestyle. I've got a boyfriend now and I feel loved. Like really loved. And I'm happí by that.

I went to a horrible school what I left and signed up to a new one. I think I'm on my way to my new life. I want to be a social worker, I want to work with kids. I love them children so much they give me so much joy. Also I want to be a mother some time.

I often used this blog to my hideaway from the world, from people, I've always cried and cried about things that I couldn't accept. But now? It't like I am a whole new person.

If I could speak with my past self I would tell her that lifes gonna change real soon, just be patient and work on it, to what you want, do what you like and don't be sad or depressed. 

I know you, I know that you sometimes become your past self but it's okay. You are what you built for. And you will always remember where you really came from.

I love you...
...and don't worry.

Author

So... it was a long time ago when I last wrote something for this blog and a lot and lot of things happend. Cold and warm too.
Sadly my mental health isn't get better after time and I'm starting to get some of those "painful" soul hurting? I mean I feel my soul sometimes is very-very heavy and like its laying on my body on my lungs and my heart and I could not make it feel better.
In my mind I think I'm a very bad person, a poisionus, a harsh, an evil bad bad perom and I really hate myself becouse of this. I decised to change but it IS hard too and I'm very scared of who am I gonna become. Yeah...
The second part is that I have no friends here. All of my friend study in different cities and I'm all alone here and it is really really painful and hard and depressing. Every once in a while I get to met them again when they have time for me when tey want to meet up and want to chat with me about everything. I think I am a very good listener and I want to hear their stories of they "new" lives, about what they doing and what they learning in those cities or in those unis.
When they ask me about me, about what am I doing I never say anything. I am shamed of what am I and what am I doing 'cuz I literally not doing anything, not doing my life better because I'm phisycally cannot make it better yet. But I have hopes, I have dreams. Dreams without friends and family. I have to have hopes and dreams without 'em to make myself stand up, to be a woman, a REAL woman and not to be a shitshack.

Hey Fellas.

Happy New Year to everyone out there! Did you have a nice New Year party?

At the last week I was so upset because of my best friend who told me she was invited for a party and she wasn't invited me. (At that point I thougt I have to have a party with myself). So she fucked up my holidays.
On December 31, a friend of mine wrote me on messenger "hey, you can go out if you want, my mother and my friends said they will wait you if you come. and bring some lemon :D" and she turned my whole life better. Her party was so chill and so nice. There was 12 people in one room but it was so good. I felt myself good. It was great. So fucking great. :D

Before midnight we get up and we went to the New Years eve's fireworks. It was amazing. I did not thinking. I did not felt bad or sadness. I was happy. I was not alone. I felt after a long-long time I have a lot of friends but I never thought about it.

Today, Second of January I want to make some New Year Resolution.

1. I want to work out (I started before but at this time I don't wanna quit)
2. I want a healty lifestyle
3. I don't want to sit front of the PC that much
4. I want to be with myself more
5. I want to be with my friends more
6. I want to learn more and more
7. I want to read a lot of book this year
8. I want to draw more this year
9. I want a puppy or a kitten
10. I want a nice Birthday Party

Hey fellas,

I'm not in love with Rhett&Link anymore, because they are boring. Sad, sad, but my new love is Jazza from the 'Draw with Jazza' YT channel. He's making some freakin' awesome art and he is funny, too. I like him because he's a dad but he also a child. Poor Ms. Jazza she wanted one kid but she got two. HAHA. Bad joke...
Anyways.
Is my english good? Because I didn't practiced that in the past. After all... I'm only watching YT videos and series, so. Yepp.

Sorry for the last post, it's on hungarian language because I talked about my bad feelings and maybe I'm depressed because of my mom. It's not okay, It's not healthy at all, but I can't do anything. I'm closed into 4 walls and that's it. She doesn't let me anywhere, except the school and the supermarket. AND I'M 17!
I cannot go to a freakin awesome concert, because it's in the neighbour city... omg... idk what to do. I'm sad, mad, tired... and I wanna die fucking bad.

Hey darlings.
My nearly friend told me "hey what's wrong with you, ur english grammar better when you're scolding me", and i was like "whaaaat really? i don't think so". But yeah... she's right.
I do not know why is better when i'm angry or mad at someone. Maybe I watching a little bit too much series where the characters are speechful with bad words. Idk.
BUT
I have to learn speak english like a pro 'cuz I wanna use this damn language in the future and it has a lot of fun. I like speak another language. My language is hard. It's hungaryan. The hungarian people cannot speak the 100% language because of the difficulty.

Oh gosh I really love the GMM YouTube Channel. In fact I love Rhett&Link. In fact in fact I love Link. Meeehhh. It's a long story but that guy really got me.

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT CAN I SAY. I AM A SPEACHLESS WOMAN.